Tomorrow is 3 months since my world changed forever. The one thing I feared most reared its ugly head in my world. The one thing that happened to way too many people in the world but could not happen to me - us - did.
Three months ago tomorrow my marriage ended. My marriage of 28 years, 6 months and one week. The man I loved with all my heart and lived with for over 30 years packed his bags and left.
The shock. The pain. The unbelief. I struggled to breathe.... Our family, our dreams and our hopes for the future - shattered.
Who am I without him? How do I live without him? How do I survive in this world without the man my life has been so intimately entwined with for so long? I have been with him for more than half of my life! I was, in some ways, just a child when we married. He was my lover, my rock, my confidante, my companion and best friend. He raised my firstborn and held my hand through five more labours and births of our children.. I know what he likes, what he loves and what he doesn't. I thought I knew everything about him.
I sank into depression, still unable to comprehend what just happened and wished at times that someone could wake me from this nightmare. I got so angry and I couldn't stop crying but with children at home and a brand new job I had to keep going. I have already been on antidepressents for 5 years. What on earth do I do?
What a journey the past 3 months have been. Constantly on the verge of tears whilst holding my breath, trying to be strong. I have suddenly started crying in public and at work but I am too broken to care who sees me. Now it is January; a new year and a new beginning. Thanks to my beautiful and amazing children ,my family and friends galore who have all supported me and had my back, I feel I can begin to look forward.
So begins my blogging again. I can't make excuses for who I am or what I say because this is me. I am driven to help people. It is in my bones. I am always using my experiences to help others and this will be no different. I have watched for years with such deep sadness, too many marriages fail and I am here to show support and love the grieving partners left behind. I also hope to use my story to help save those who maybe on the brink of seperation.
As always I ask, if you know anyone who fits into this category, then please share my blog.
love Cathy xo